Orb

Here, I am lost in my confusion. I see a light, but I can’t get there from here. It is the light of hope, serenity. I feel its glow upon me, for a moment I am embraced. A fleeting feeling then, hurled back into confusion…

My feet begin to move, they trod carefully off my porch toward the glow. I stretch my arms, welcoming the calm. I am consumed by this feeling of hope and serenity. Confusion subsiding, I move unconsciously up the rocky path from my home, into the dark trees…

I can no longer see my aim. But I feel it, surging through me, I know it is ready for me…

Ready to envelop me to hold me close and cure me of my affliction…

I have never felt clearer of a goal, calmer and serine. Moving out of the thick trees I see it once more, overwhelmed I fall over my feet, confused once more.

I lay on the cold ground sore from my fall, staring into a dark and moonless sky. I turn my head east, once more the light meets my eyes and I surge with hope. Pulling myself from the ground I progress again, move through the rocky hills it is cumbersome, but worth every steep step.

The orb grows clearer. I see my soul, the source. It contains parts of me from lives past, the present and future. This is the beautiful glow, my own happiness. I begin to gather this light into myself, feasting on its pleasure. The happiness I had lost somewhere along the way during my journey in this existence. Hope and serenity are now part of me. What was once embracing me is part of me again, it nourishes me and sustains me.

Imprisoned

I sit imprisoned in my thoughts.

I hear the shrill laughter of those around me. Those I cannot, do not, engage as I analyze myself.

Who am I?

Ani DiFranco sings “I don’t who you were expecting, probably some bitch who does not budge”.

For years I thought I was this lyric.
For years I thought I was that bitch. Perhaps I just wanted to be her.

Perhaps I am truly a kind woman who puts on a front of bitchyness so that others cannot get close. Perhaps I am confused about who I am and who I want to be…

So you see I sit imprisoned in my own thoughts unable to engage because I would not know who to be if I did.